Window

I remember his bedroom

I stared out that window

Everyday

I looked

For the courage to leave

His tongue carved pain down my skin

With every word lashed at me

I stumbled

Weak, I let him take me

And after that?

Well, give a man an inch…

He kept taking

Taking

Just take it

Smile and curtsey and pretend you like it

The taste of him

My face in the pillow

Staring off, I would lose track.

I remember the frost as it grew on the window AC unit.  The crackle as it broke, whispering chills across my skin.  So cold.  It was so cold.

And one day I woke up

Naked

And I couldn’t remember ever taking my clothes off

I still don’t know what happened that night.

And then I felt it, rising up in my throat as he thrust into me and I ran for the sink and it rushes out of me and the chunks sit in the sink slowly filling up with water and he yells and makes me clean it with my hands.

I remember him so vividly yet not much at all

Later, he apologized for all those times he did it.  For all the pain.  He walked me to my car and I clenched my key between my fingers, ready, yet not ready at all.