Until Then…

The TV glares at me as I try to find the right button to turn it off.  My head is pounding and the pain in my side feels like someone is kicking me every time I inhale.  Must’ve been one of those nights again.  I gaze outside.  Car is parked perfectly, unblemished.  Well I didn’t hit anything.  I call that a success.  My memories still haven’t shown their faces but I know they soon will, bleeding into my mind, filling holes.  But until then I can relax.  Because once they come trickling back is my cue to run.  But until then… I sit back, cigarette in hand, and contemplate the previous night.  I dissect every move, every word.  Looking for the moment when your hand brushes mine, I slide through the visuals as they come to me in snapshots.  But when I remember, the pictures flash past my eyes.  Before I can absorb what I am seeing, I fall to the floor.  I’ve been here before.